July 30, 2009

It was 212 in the morning when I got home. Despite having to fill up the tank with gas, it made me smile. Particularly the fact that I had a joyous time spent with a psycho.

It's been awhile since I last went out with a friend to catch a movie, so it was great and I'm sure my sister is going to be pleased seeing her car's gas tank when she comes back.

Anyhow, I cannot wait for the trip to Malacca tomorrow. Everything was sort of impromptu but I have never been the type of person who would plan in the first place. I just go with the flow, and for someone who doesn't like gambling, I sure do gamble a lot. InsyaAllah, everything will go well. I am bringing Sani along and will capture as many photos as possible. There are many things that I odd to share with a friend there, and the one I'm bringing along.

Although I seem to be enjoying myself thus far, a huge part of me cannot wait to start working. It has been a week since I last stepped foot in the office. The agony of when you have a very free schedule, ah, you tell me. But I still dread the fact that on Sunday, I'll be coming in. Sundays make me sad.

Just a few weeks ago, my father brought back the swing my siblings and I used to play with, which was left behind at the old house I grew up in. Now that the house has been officially sold, we had to take the leftovers. The swing is 23 years old, it is my age. I remember hanging on the bars and thought that the height of the swing was really tall. But now, it can barely fit five persons. I can go on and on about the swing because I love writing about how strongly I feel for something, but I feel the need to stop here.

In four days, my sidekick is leaving the country. Hmm.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

Niat enson mata kaji semar ngiseng

Today, I am Jawa (which has nothing to do with anything at all. Kuntik kuntik kuntikkk!)

The body is aching due to the fact that I haven't been sitting up straight. But anyways, I noticed that my appetite for food is uncontrollable these days. To support that, I did not have lunch, but an afternoon feast with Masami and Noel somewhere in Brickfields. I forgot the name of the restaurant but it is a great place for some good Indian food, says Noel. We gambled our ways since neither of us had any assignment that required us to travel and thus we took the chance and made our escape in search for some good food.

Pakcik Kaki Karot was great at hospitality (even though we weren't at his house). He made sure that we tried almost all the food that he thought was great, given that he had visited the restaurant many times. I remember gobbling down mutton, prawns and chicken with rice flooded with fish curry, not forgetting downing a glass of cool mango lassi. I swear Noel nak kena pukul for bringing us there. I wasn't even halfway through my meal when I felt stuffed but the spices really got me going (for someone who loves spicy food, I couldn't stop). Dan Masami sangat comel sbb dia kata pedas sambil minum air dgn byk. Mesti dia berak bau curry dkt toilet office.

Which leads to a story where Masami and I went to a spa at the Gardens a few months ago. It was one of the oddest experience I have ever had, given that I was massaged like a roti canai. At first I thought I was running low on luck for being massaged by someone who treated me like a piece of roti canai dough. Later, after both of us were done, Masami had mentioned the same thing. Both of us felt like we were being treated like a piece of roti canai. Thus, we swore to never return.

However, the person who catered me was a nice person indeed. She told stories of her background and why she came all the way from Nepal (or India). Food was not enough at home, mom was sick and dad had left, but the pay in our country is dreadfully little. It made me sad listening to her sappy tales and grateful to God at the same time as I have been blessed with a beautiful family, enough food and a great life. Contrary, the person who massaged Masami claimed that she hates her job.

As opposed to the majority working people, I actually am in love with my job. I love how happy I am at work, how distressing it is being in the office and how wonderful the feeling is just to be able to feel happy about… I don’t know what. I'm just happy. :). At times I do feel stressed out but that's only normal. It’s only natural for me to compare the state of emotion and mind when I move to certain places. I noticed that I am happier when I am in the office. It's weird, who likes being in the office, anyway?

Malay Mail offers me something that can't be traded, I can't explain. I wasn’t exactly at my best when I first became an intern for the company last year. But as days passed by, I slowly smile even more and it got to a point where I don’t smile anymore - I now laugh. Allah has been so kind to me for blessing me with the happiness that I am indeed feeling. :). But who wants to sleep in the office lah?

So on the way back home, my sister and I stopped by an Indian food joint in the busiest area in SS15, Subang Jaya.

My belly was bloated with the food I consumed during the day, but my sister is a princess. "There's no fun eating alone," she said, which does make sense to me. So I ate again, bah.

On the way home, mmg dah kronik dah dua2 ekor kenyang sangat sampai tahan kentut. Suddenly my left boob sakit. In confusion, I asked my sister, “Aduh, sakit tetek. Mungkinkah angin blh naik ke tetek sbb tahan kentut?”

And she thought I was a douche. Dia pun sama tahan kentut!

I had a fantastic night. Not that anything happened (with all the kentut incident), just that gaji masuk so I finally am able to give some money to the parents, it makes me happy. Even though yesterday has passed, Alhamdulillah for another beautiful day I had. Tomorrow is a different story.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

I is Chinese

Reading, not everyone loves reading.

As for myself, there are times when I find myself loving reading new books, magazines or anything at all. But I always find myself having an interest in reading some friends' posts on Blogger, and that include yours, Masami and Suzhen (I don't know why. I think it's because you guys always update your blog.)

However, what makes me feel amused is when I stumble upon weird word verifications.

For instance, I was just browsing aimlessly when I stumbled a widget installed by my friend. Eh chup, is it called a widget? Ah well. So my friend had it installed and it's called "Recent Comments", which shows the recent comments users have posted on the author's journal.

Back to the word verifications, on Blogger.com, a word verification is always asked before one could comment. There's no problem with that, just that I often come across funny words like "hissaps" and so on (I can't remember, to be honest).

The latest was "tamsapp" which instantly made me think of (what else) "hamsap" la.

The initial plan was to reply a comment, but I couldn't possibly ignore the word that was needed to be typed in. So terbatallah niat murniku ini. And that got me thinking, what kind of words do YOU get when you wish to comment someone's blog?

Am I weird for posting this mindless entry?

I think I have a mind like a goldfish lah. Even Naj says so.

Many who know me think that I'm odd. Like Sharaad, the copydesk clearer, made it clear that I am weird. "Nadirah, you are really weird, you know that?" with a smirk. But I was just telling the interns how I tried swiping the ID card once by jumping (with the card placed on my chest), but with no such luck since I am too short. :(.

And that's not the only remark I got, and I don't feel the need to share. Even from my bosses. Some have spoken but the remaining minority, like Rocky, Frankie and former boss, Tony, I'm pretty sure that they haven't truly seen the other side. Not that I never show it, but my gut feeling tells me that they haven't seen the real side yet because they were never really there. Apa aku merepek ni.

Tapiii, I learnt some new Mandarin words from Teoh Poggy and Ng Suzhen! Ni yao woh jiang hwa eu mar? Mei you wen ti, xiao hai tduo tduo! It says, "Tak mau sudah, nama kau Dollah, tetek kau sebelah. Go die faster, you twat."

I wish.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

There's no "i" in "we", forget about "team"

The rain was pouring heavily when I opened these eyes in the morning. I was woken up by the sound of As I lay Dying, which was set to alert when the phone rings. It was my mother, and after the conversation ended, I could not sleep anymore (but managed to dream that Daniel Johns was my fiance for a minute. *Gags*)

So lately, I have been thinking a lot about some friends of mine. I understand that there are many types of friendship. But I've lost count on how many times I uttered that I don't really believe in friendships. Isn't is peculiar how our thoughts always link to another, to which has nothing to do with anything at all?

Throughout the years, friendship that only I am part of has left me feeling wary. Thus I took a leap and keep these words close to my heart, "If you don't care, I don't fucking care either." And today, I am happier than ever holding on to those words, as arrogant as it may sound. But it's hard not to care, I admit it.

It isn't anything like I don't appreciate the comrades I have. I do and I really really do. But do understand the fact that people come and go, that's all.

It enraged me a little when I read a friend's post. Perchance, the reason why I felt so furious was because I've been through it. Even so, I never seemed to learn until something massive hit me in the face. It added a point to my little list of why I shouldn't rely on people in general.

Not to say that I don't feel the temptation of getting even, but I try my best to keep my values. If you are mean, I won't photocopy your filthy character. I have class and standard but it kills me when people I care for experience something like this, because it hurts, it hurts like a motherfucker.

Sure it's nice having friends around, but I am used of doing things alone, locking myself in my room (I blame the television, laptop and wifi for this). I'm used of doing everything on my own. I guess what makes people say that it's odd to always need some private time alone is because the loneliness can take you to a place where misery is your only best friend (so drama wei, haha).

There's no arguing in that, at times you'd feel miserable but that is when you ask yourself, "do you want to stay miserable?" I know I'm not a smart person but if it's within your power, do something about it and yes, I have learnt how to do so.

But the question that keeps on lingering in my head is, where can I trade my vagina for a dick and balls so that I can be one of the boys at the end of the day?

Maybe I have never changed. Therefore the reason why I tend to think that I'm not against society, it's the society against me.

Damn it, panjang jgk post ni! ^&%*%$

Edit: Today marked a history, for the first time, I flicked Shifu's ear because she was so naughty (famously known as Cacip, Shaship, Ship, Chip, Apu at home. She's my cat by the way).

I wish I had a telephoto

Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

Hello, goodbye

Today has been a great day, Alhamdulillah.

For months, I had not visited any of my relatives in Sungai Buloh. But today, I gave my grandmother a visit and spent some time with the family. My favourite cousin, Ahmad, was there too and I had the chance of gossiping with the boy I grew up with. It had been a while since we last saw each other but too bad he had to leave for work. I so hate him for that.

Today was his last day at work as a chef. By August 3, I won't be seeing much of him anymore, at least for awhile la. Which I, surprisingly, am okay with.

We grew up together, we went to the same kindergarten and after we hit puberty, he would show me his new girlfriends and let me screen them one by one. Yela, dah kata raging hormones kan.

I must say that I never really quite like the women he chose to be with but hey, I'm happy if he's happy. As cheesy as it sounds, I try my best not to interfere in people's relationships and I hope for the same in mine.

Usually, I'd become upset when someone close leaves (no, I never bake when it comes to this matter, at least I haven't in the longest time). Only this time, I believe I am emotionally and mentally prepared compared to years ago. I understand that people come and go, I even keep on having it on replay in my train of thoughts since God-knows-when.

Perhaps, I have become jaded somewhere in the process of growing up - I don't believe that everyone will stay and I don't believe that friends are for keeps. Friends today, strangers tomorrow. It happens and has happened, but it's nothing personal.

Anyway, I probably should start saving up for Dubai. That's where Afiq is going to reside come August. Germany and Russia can wait. Hmm, I certainly hope he'll succeed. I'm actually excited for him, and it's like I have things all planned out for me as well.

One regret would be, I wish I could have spent more time with him. And I know I'm going to miss him like mad even though I am alright that he's going no matter what and who knows he'll be coming back. I'm lucky enough for the fact that he doesn't even know that I am writing this in my blog, let alone the existence of this blog, and I'm guessing that he's not much of a reader. It'd spare my ego and my left nut. Weehee!

Since I was in the area, my parents thought of stopping by at an uncle's house. This is another place I haven't been at in ages. By the time we reached the house, I was already feeling sleepy but kept myself occupied with the food served by my aunt. Tamak haloba punya pasal.

We were having fun until another cousin of mine decided to slip a rubber snake in my brother's jeans. For sure la Bapak cannot be upset about it. I mean, dude, our cousin is merely what, five or six? So we laughed our asses off la but I later came up with an idea of throwing the snake at my dad. It was one of the stupidest ideas and moves ever.

"Aku tampaq kang budak ni!" he said.

That actually cracked me up even more. Hahahaha. Am I a psycho? Because he was serious about it. But I thought it was funny. So so funny that I laughed in his face.

Alamak, mengantuk.


P/S: I am very happy with the Oreo cheesecake I made today for a retiree. Wee!

Excuse the the quality of the images

P/S/S: Shit, aku sayang siut cousin aku.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

"How ah?"

Spending hours of your time dedicated to a cheesecake sounds painfully pitiful. But what sucks even more is when what was supposed to soothe you, took its toll on you instead.


You see, baking is like gambling. Why? Because I usually bake when I am upset, or when I just feel like baking (or plain hungry.)

When I am upset, the outcome matters a lot. It either makes me feel accomplished and happy, or (somewhat/more) depressed.

I was not feeling upset when I baked the cake today, I was feeling indifferent because I was so bored of doing nothing at home. I was supposed to go to my college and get my transcripts and renew my license but nothing seemed to go the way I planned it.

So today, as requested by someone, I baked an Oreo cheesecake for him and his wife. The cake was beautiful but it only lasted for an hour.

I feel fucked. The worst feeling of all is feeling like you’re fucked. I just sold an ugly cheesecake to someone. I just hope that the taste make up for the appearance. I am fucked.

Or maybe I am just paranoid. Just yesterday, I was telling my friend, anak Mustafa, that I am always paranoid. And her reply was short and sweet, "When you're in this field, mmg we're bound to be paranoid at all times la."

But I am always paranoid about my life. And this, I sold an ugly cheesecake! ^&%&*%%!!


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

Sirap ais, anyone?

Sometimes, there is always one of those days when you feel like you just need to get out of the place you're in.

In my recent case, the wind was not blowing so lovely. I wasn't feeling emotionally at my best, thus the reason why I isolated myself, even if it meant hiding under a table, or anywhere I can think of at the time.

Usually, it's the loo that's been my most, favourite place in the office. Not only do I poo and pee a lot (if you think it's menggelikan, fuck off you hypocrites!), it's also a good place for me to be at peace, or to have some quiet time alone. I'm not a negative child, I just appreciate my privacy.

But, that's not the whole point of writing this entry. For some odd reason, the office's loo smell of air sirap, tak tipu. I mean, how can I not notice, half of my time in the office is always spent in the loo. So you can definitely count on my words. If not, you may ask someone who sits next to me.

It led me to a story my friend told me a few weeks ago. Whenever she drinks coffee, her urine would smell of coffee and it makes her cranky because she just wants her piss to smell like, well, urine lah.

The fact sort of confuses me and I thought to myself, "Is that even possible, wei?"

So, bila terbau toilet mcm air sirap ais, saya pun mcm terfikirlah, "Alamak, potong ah. Siapa pulak pg minum sirap ni, kacau je org nak berak. Sat lg kang bau taik campur sirap, dah aku pulak tak lalu minum sirap karang."

Tgk2 freshener yg keluarkan bau mcm tu. Tiu na seng, macibai. Even so, I'm grateful la that everyone's private parts went to school so berak dan kencing tak bertabur. Toilet is one of the holiest places okay!

I am still scared of eating a lot of chocolate. I hope that my poo or pee will not smell of it.

But anyways, sometimes, I wish never knew some friends that I have. Sometimes. But I know I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the people that I'd met, the circumstances that I'd been put in and the choices that I'd made.

In the end, there's always a light at the end of every tunnel. Time to bake, hardcorely.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

Anak Pakcik Sawal

Three years ago, he wrote something that touched this heart. But I was too wary of a person to present something similar in return.

Now, it has been almost a thousand days the first time we shook hands, declaring our bond as an acquaintance to each other. Since then, we became good friends, and shared what we had until we stuffed ourselves full with memories and updates.

As the time progressed, we bloomed into a better, greater relationship, we became great friends. It was overwhelming. While he was sensitive of not receiving a reply whenever a message was being sent to me, he would apologise if he had hurt me in any way. And no matter how mad I was at him for the hurtful things he uttered, he would try and talk to me, or write me a message when he learnt that I was not in the pink of health. "Drink lots of water, wear socks and don't stay up too late." He took great care of me when I was ill and as I really think of our friendship, I have never really done anything nice for him, except for teman-ing him sahur and expressed how pissed I was of the things he said to me to my former love.

Considering the boy is much taller, he would comb my hair with his fingers to hide the bald areas as a result of a deep depression I went through. I lost a lot of hair, but never him. Tiba-tiba, he had become my personal hairstylist.

Alas, catastrophes hit and so we sailed our different directions for a long time. Arguments, mouthful of foul words, unappreciative manner rose like a best friend for 100 nights and days.

In the midst of our adolescence, we became jaded and believed to the fact that no bond is worth the hassle. However, I've come to realised that it's not about how hurtful it can get when his words cut the heart like corroded daggers, as he is transparent and that makes him the boy golden.

And today, I am really grateful that you are still here by my side. He is my friend, Uzair Sawal. Uje, it's sad that I took three years in engraving this lettering when you had published something similar three years ago.

You're not a good product, but a great one without a doubt.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

I sad. I is wants to hides under table. I doesn't know where I should goes.

I sad, very is sad.

Ram ram patil

I could only think of Razak when I hear "ram ram patil," (which I forgot what it means). Anyways, the man has a blog of his own now! It's so exciting because he's comel! Haha.

But it's sad that his url is http://razakg.blogspot.com. In my humble and sangat berhemah opinion, it should have been http://razakgspot.blogspot.com.

Hello, you look short

The greet sure raised my eyebrow when I entered the office.

It's nothing peculiar, really, just that I too felt as if I was shorter than before when I stood beside him... Then I realised, I haven't been wearing heels to the office in the longest time (about two weeks?) I'm in my kid-mode now. :D.

Earlier, my friend had talked about her pet, Fat Rat. Personally, I think it's really wicked to have a rat for a pet, especially the ones which have spots on their body. I thought of buying a pair of mice but my sister would freak the hell out, she hates rats that much. She hates anything with a pointy mouth or nose.

On the other hand, I'm the kind of person who likes exotic pets. I wouldn't call having a pet mice is exotic, but it certainly is different for a change, if not much. My dream is to have an albino python but it cost a lot and I'm only earning peanuts, enough for me to live comfortably (Malay Mail is a great place to work, please don't fire me Rocky and do send in your resumes!)

Of course, my father is against the idea of me owning a python given that he can't stand the sight of snakes, lizards. Basically reptiles la kut. At first it was kind of perplexing given that he grew up in Perlis where snakes are always seen roaming freely. I even managed to catch and saved lots of snakes and a baby python when I was back in my hometown. Pendek kata, semua jenis ular ada.

You know, having a snake might come with a lot of conveniences. Tiba-tiba one day Bapak psycho ke apa, senang je, all I have to do is just campak the ular and he'd run like there's no tomorrow. That would make him think twice of tickling or bullying me while I'm asleep. I think that would be a great sight for me to enjoy. Hahaha. Dan kemungkinan saya lupa bg ular tu makan, lalu dia pulak yg makan saya. Takde ke org train ular mkn pizza?

I'm trying to make this post as short as possible but I always fail. I never seem to stop talking (even to strangers, it's sad.) When I was needed to get some comments from Dato' Markiman Kobiran, we ended up talking about what his children and wife felt like having for dinner. Sushi, pizza, whatever. When I needed comments from the country's crime analyst, Kamal Affendi Hashim, we ended up cheap talking about the latest technology of networking sites and again, food. And when I gave a call to the national laureate A. Samad Said, I ended up talking about his daughter, Siti Senja who was my science teacher when I was 10. He called me "yang." And when I called Daphne Iking, we talked about kiasu people. It doesn't even benefit me. Haih.

Which leads to what Suzhen and I had for our lunch. We decided to have sushi at the nearest sushi joint, Sushi King. While we became monsters at the sight of the sushi on the belt, it's no wonder why our friend, Masami is not too fond of eating there. I was quite disappointed to find that my Tendon rice was too soggy and the tempura wasn't crispy.

However, I'm not really particular when it comes to sushi. I'd have paid the bill and walked away no matter how starving I am if it wasn't Japanese food. I don't like exchanging dirty words. I know, I have a very hideous temper but it's always better to just walk away than have an argument, no?

Sushi Roll's right, the Sushi King's joint at Seksyen14 is, nyeh. At the (not so) end of the day, I kind of regret breaking my fast. Sebab sayang sangat. It would have been my 13th day.

Before I end the post, I'd like to share a picture of a broken plastic spoon. Apparently someone was too eager to eat the ice-cream. Hehe.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

Oh, babi.

We often take things for granted, not realizing what we have until it’s gone. And it’s only natural for us humans to want something we can’t have.

I know for a fact that I often take things for granted. Let’s not deny the fact that I tend to forget what I have been blessed for by God, I don’t need to go far by pointing fingers at others, it’s always best to take a look at yourself and reflect.

Just like dengue fever, I never thought I’d get infected. The next thing I know, I was already admitted to the hospital for a week. My platelets were extremely low that I believed I only had a very short time in preparing myself for God (again, bila rasa nak mati baru cari tuhan). I know, I can be such a drama queen.

But anyways, that’s not what I want to bring forward. Just last week, I was assigned to cover an event called Urbanscapes and I must say, it was a very fun experience. Even so, I was reluctant.

A day after the event, there were two confirmed cases of swine flu reported. One of them is my friend and the worst thing of all, we shook hands and I didn't wash my hand. It didn’t take long for the fever to kick in that night and by then, I thought I had gotten it. You see, I never really cared much about it, as I don’t eat pork. It’s too narrow-minded of me to think that way if you ask me now.

It shook my world upside down. But God was only pulling my leg, it was enough for me to have irrational thoughts in my head. With the recent cases of the swine flu, a part of my ignorant self thought, "Ah, fuck it." It wasn’t for long that I was confirmed by the doctor – I am negative. Alhamdulillah.

When the world was shaken with the presence of swine flu, everyone was sure that it wouldn’t be able to touch us and little measures were taken to avoid any unforeseen circumstances. We feel we're so invincible. But hello, we’re no god. It was when the first case was confirmed that we have all sorts of steps taken kan. Manusia ni takbur la.

I won't call it H1N1. I don’t believe I need to be sensitive, as what urged by some ministers that the word “babi” is just too harsh.

I am not pointing any fingers but the virus came from the animal. If you consume the animal, that’s your preference la, I have no say and I certainly have nothing against you. I love my friends who eat pork just as much. But babi is babi and the virus comes from the babi so I’m going to call it selsema babi.

Yesterday marked the 11th day of my absence in the office. Frankly speaking, home is not where I was supposed to be. Although it felt fantastic to be able to kick it freestyle at home, but it gets boring senseless sometimes when you are not producing anything.

I just got back from work a few hours ago. It feels good, after a great day at work, it continues with a great night at home where I’m currently watching Death Note on DVD in my room. It was so lovely being able to run around and have fun. Office always is a fun place to be. Home is too. I love my life, I love how happy I am at present, Alhamdulillah.

P/S: I want to have one of those death note book too. It’d be nice to strike someone down kalau diorg mmg sial.

Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

Celluloid dream

It couldn’t have gotten any better. With me typing this as I am sipping a mug of hot cocoa, I feel pleased with where I am at present, but I often feel like I am being held back.

Usually, I’d be wishing to be in the office, making use of myself, or just lazing around. But this right here, is fine.

I have been contemplating to meet my childhood best friend for the longest time. It’s been close to a few months now that I always put my honest intention on hold. I managed to find her on Facebook months ago and for a few times, we have planned for a get-together.

Let me tell you this, I was extremely nervous upon sending her a message on the networking site but I was lucky that she (sort of) remembers me, if not much and she actually gave me her phone number.

Time has been very kind, however the negative thoughts in this train of thoughts that afloat profusely have me tied myself to deny my wanting.

Her name is Nurul Ain Jamlus, she was my first girl best friend. Oddly enough, I could still remember the way she used to tie her hair, her room, her parents, siblings, aunt and uncle. Or in short, almost everything about her during that time. I hope I don’t come across as a freak. I just happen to remember a lot of things when I was growing up. Having been a tomboy throughout the years of growing up, I never really had a lot of girl friends, they never liked me. Thus I loved her dearly, which made it harder to erase the memories.

She was this girl who was artistic, she was into Madonna when all of us were into Gil, and the Moffatts. Of course, she has changed throughout the years, but everyone change. Even so, her artistic trait remains intact, which is really wonderful. She has grown into a beautiful woman, and is getting married next year, InsyaAllah. I couldn’t have been happier for her. And her siblings, now they’ve grown into beautiful angels. I remember there were a few times when Ain would come up to me and cry, given the fact that she always had to give in to her youngest sister, Anis. Reminiscing back to the old days, comel je kan? Haha.

We went to the same primary and secondary school. But in the eve of 1998, my family and I had to move to Perlis since my father was up for a promotion. I enjoyed my time spent in the state full with good food and friendly people but the thought of starting over again made me dread awfully. I have never really been the type of person who would say hello first, I often have in mind that I don't need anyone. I had walls around me, which I don’t feel like sharing why at the moment.

So back to the story, we sort of lost contact until I moved back to Subang Jaya in 2002. I bumped into her a few times during high school but it was difficult for me. I have always been loud and reserved at the same time. It takes a lot of me to open up to people. I get questions like “Nad, we’re extremely close to each other, but why do I feel like I don’t know you? Like you’re always hiding something from the world?”

At school, there were many attempts in gracing her paths but I often stopped myself from doing so because of the pride and ego I have. I often feel like people never really remember me, while I find myself photocopying everyone’s names, faces, and memories so easily, it makes me scared and I feel like a freak.

It had been four years since we met but I am pretty sure that she doesn’t remember me bumping into her at school, which makes it nine years since we last met and said hello.

“Fuck, this freak still remembers where I live. Fucking hell, what a freak.”

You know, it’s these kinds of negative thoughts that always put my honest intention on hold. Perchance she had forgotten about me long ago. But I’m going to take my chance and try to strengthen the bond we had, I just need to be sincere. But why am I scared and nervous?

We’ll see how things go.

On a lighter note, Internet kita mmg paling laju dlm dunia. Malaysia yg sebenarnya came up with broadband dulu if people really want to know. We have the tallest building, the greatest rempits and definitely the most laju Internet of all. So tragic.

Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi

A (not-so) proper greeting

I often find myself hopping from a place to another like nobody's business. For all I know, this could be the hundredth blog I possess.

But who gives a rat's ass eh. Taking a bow. See you more often, InsyaAllah.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi