The missing part

The day has barely started and the vibe mellow dances in the thin air that one is breathing.

Engraving thoughts was once something natural that runs from the heart to the fingers. As of late, this self is beyond control as to think of what should be jotted down. Comically, words were like figurines which I often play with to describe the rainbows and thunders in my life.

These days, my train of thoughts often go astray whenever I planned on updating this little piece of virtual space that I possess. Being a person who updates the comfort space based on her emotions and current circumstances she is put in, I find it perplexing and hard to do so these days.

Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful to God. What I have been blessed with is just too much as I haven't been a very nice person as of late. A best friend did mention that I now know how to stare furiously at people when I drive, which according to her screams a lot of new, negative changes that have sparked in me.

I am a happier person today, nonetheless I cannot deny that I am fearful of rotting in life. Perchance I still live in denial.

As I dug deeper and deeper, I realised and have it in me that I yearn to return to the old self that is hidden in this skin. That part doesn't want to be found. That part wants to be locked. That part wants to be left alone, and that part refrains from being found by other souls. All these questions keep on lingering in my mind, playing like a broken record which slowly dies down - what is wrong with me?

It could be that I accidentally found a missing puzzle, which I wasn't supposed to find in the first place. I now know that I'm not ready, yet. Then again, you can never trust people fully. I find it hard to surrender and I find it hard to trust. I think I am running away, again. Sometimes, something is better left unsaid.

I want to be left alone, and found at the same time. I discarnate. Then again, I wish for a better day today, InsyaAllah. :). Time to pump up some hardcore/metal music.


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi