There's no "i" in "we", forget about "team"

The rain was pouring heavily when I opened these eyes in the morning. I was woken up by the sound of As I lay Dying, which was set to alert when the phone rings. It was my mother, and after the conversation ended, I could not sleep anymore (but managed to dream that Daniel Johns was my fiance for a minute. *Gags*)

So lately, I have been thinking a lot about some friends of mine. I understand that there are many types of friendship. But I've lost count on how many times I uttered that I don't really believe in friendships. Isn't is peculiar how our thoughts always link to another, to which has nothing to do with anything at all?

Throughout the years, friendship that only I am part of has left me feeling wary. Thus I took a leap and keep these words close to my heart, "If you don't care, I don't fucking care either." And today, I am happier than ever holding on to those words, as arrogant as it may sound. But it's hard not to care, I admit it.

It isn't anything like I don't appreciate the comrades I have. I do and I really really do. But do understand the fact that people come and go, that's all.

It enraged me a little when I read a friend's post. Perchance, the reason why I felt so furious was because I've been through it. Even so, I never seemed to learn until something massive hit me in the face. It added a point to my little list of why I shouldn't rely on people in general.

Not to say that I don't feel the temptation of getting even, but I try my best to keep my values. If you are mean, I won't photocopy your filthy character. I have class and standard but it kills me when people I care for experience something like this, because it hurts, it hurts like a motherfucker.

Sure it's nice having friends around, but I am used of doing things alone, locking myself in my room (I blame the television, laptop and wifi for this). I'm used of doing everything on my own. I guess what makes people say that it's odd to always need some private time alone is because the loneliness can take you to a place where misery is your only best friend (so drama wei, haha).

There's no arguing in that, at times you'd feel miserable but that is when you ask yourself, "do you want to stay miserable?" I know I'm not a smart person but if it's within your power, do something about it and yes, I have learnt how to do so.

But the question that keeps on lingering in my head is, where can I trade my vagina for a dick and balls so that I can be one of the boys at the end of the day?

Maybe I have never changed. Therefore the reason why I tend to think that I'm not against society, it's the society against me.

Damn it, panjang jgk post ni! ^&%*%$

Edit: Today marked a history, for the first time, I flicked Shifu's ear because she was so naughty (famously known as Cacip, Shaship, Ship, Chip, Apu at home. She's my cat by the way).

I wish I had a telephoto

Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi