"How ah?"

Spending hours of your time dedicated to a cheesecake sounds painfully pitiful. But what sucks even more is when what was supposed to soothe you, took its toll on you instead.


You see, baking is like gambling. Why? Because I usually bake when I am upset, or when I just feel like baking (or plain hungry.)

When I am upset, the outcome matters a lot. It either makes me feel accomplished and happy, or (somewhat/more) depressed.

I was not feeling upset when I baked the cake today, I was feeling indifferent because I was so bored of doing nothing at home. I was supposed to go to my college and get my transcripts and renew my license but nothing seemed to go the way I planned it.

So today, as requested by someone, I baked an Oreo cheesecake for him and his wife. The cake was beautiful but it only lasted for an hour.

I feel fucked. The worst feeling of all is feeling like you’re fucked. I just sold an ugly cheesecake to someone. I just hope that the taste make up for the appearance. I am fucked.

Or maybe I am just paranoid. Just yesterday, I was telling my friend, anak Mustafa, that I am always paranoid. And her reply was short and sweet, "When you're in this field, mmg we're bound to be paranoid at all times la."

But I am always paranoid about my life. And this, I sold an ugly cheesecake! ^&%&*%%!!


Regards,
Nadirah H. Rodzi